On My Own Terms

I been thinkin'.... how often do I want something, but I want it to come when I want it to come, looking like what I want it to look like, smelling how I want it to smell and costing what I want it to cost. If it can't be exactly like I want it...then I don't want it.
Sometimes, I think I want something and then when it appears that I may get what I said I wanted, I am ready to move in the opposite direction!! What is that??? It smacks of self, which I readily recognize and acknowledge as "not good" but there has to be another facet to it all. I don't fancy myself to be a selfish person, as a matter of fact, most of the time, I would say, I'm overly generous, but there are those days when I say, I want it my way, on my own terms or not at all!
Lately, there has been particular aspect of my life that I would just as soon be completely extracted! Today some things that were supposed to happen did not and all of a sudden it began to look like there was a conspiracy to give me at least a portion of what I'd been wanting. I freaked!! How could they? Why would they? What is going on? Then, there are those days when my mouth wants to go off and my head says "Shut-up girl, you've got bills to pay!!!"