It started again. You know, the dream. The last time was 2003 and for a solid year there was this dream that I couldn't make sense of. It involved me and one other person that I didn't recognize. The next year, I finally met the person, but nothing in the dream ever happened. Now, it started again. Different person (someone I don't recognize), different place (someplace I've never been), same dream...I'm sitting in a large beautiful room that resembles some sort of indoor garden, he enters and begins to speak to me as if I not only know him, but have some sort of attachment or relationship to him.
What could it mean, who is this guy, why do I keep having this dream?
I'm open to interpretations!!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
On My Own Terms
I been thinkin'.... how often do I want something, but I want it to come when I want it to come, looking like what I want it to look like, smelling how I want it to smell and costing what I want it to cost. If it can't be exactly like I want it...then I don't want it.
Sometimes, I think I want something and then when it appears that I may get what I said I wanted, I am ready to move in the opposite direction!! What is that??? It smacks of self, which I readily recognize and acknowledge as "not good" but there has to be another facet to it all. I don't fancy myself to be a selfish person, as a matter of fact, most of the time, I would say, I'm overly generous, but there are those days when I say, I want it my way, on my own terms or not at all!
Lately, there has been particular aspect of my life that I would just as soon be completely extracted! Today some things that were supposed to happen did not and all of a sudden it began to look like there was a conspiracy to give me at least a portion of what I'd been wanting. I freaked!! How could they? Why would they? What is going on? Then, there are those days when my mouth wants to go off and my head says "Shut-up girl, you've got bills to pay!!!"
Sometimes, I think I want something and then when it appears that I may get what I said I wanted, I am ready to move in the opposite direction!! What is that??? It smacks of self, which I readily recognize and acknowledge as "not good" but there has to be another facet to it all. I don't fancy myself to be a selfish person, as a matter of fact, most of the time, I would say, I'm overly generous, but there are those days when I say, I want it my way, on my own terms or not at all!
Lately, there has been particular aspect of my life that I would just as soon be completely extracted! Today some things that were supposed to happen did not and all of a sudden it began to look like there was a conspiracy to give me at least a portion of what I'd been wanting. I freaked!! How could they? Why would they? What is going on? Then, there are those days when my mouth wants to go off and my head says "Shut-up girl, you've got bills to pay!!!"
Monday, May 12, 2008
Future plans?
Probably more than anything else, I guess I should consider these devotional thoughts or sermon fodder, either way, my thoughts lately have been on Jeremiah 29:11 and the fact that some days I feel like a prisoner in my own life drama being played out. After church yesterday I was chatting with the Pastor, his wife and a friend and these are the thoughts I walked away with:
People all over ponder about the future. Young and old worry about where they will be and what life will become. We can also have assurance that His plan for you is best accomplished by you. When you believe that, every piece of the puzzle will fit together. Before construction started on you, a Master architect laid down a blueprint or a plan. In the mind of the Master, every dimension of our life was designed, calculated and drawn. All the things needed to complete the project were considered in the mind of the Master Architect, even location, material, color, labor cost and problems in completing the build. He began the framework and contracted electricians to do the wiring, carpenters to do the woodwork, roofers, flooring specialist and plumbers. Every detail was carried out in order, making sure the structure would be secure, strong and sound. Built just as the plans indicated. The dimensions of each room, the door size, even the swing of the door and the placement of the electrical outlets was planned ahead and detailed on the blueprints.
In Matthew, Jesus tells us about the difference between a wise and foolish man. He who is wise and he who is foolish was determined by where each chooses to build his house. Often we hear about people who seem to have it all, only to see it all come crashing down. I think about all those multimillion dollar homes built in the California hills when the mudslides started or all those expensive homes lost to the fires. In God we have a sure and solid foundation that will stand against any future storms. Hard work and persistence; not even cheating will add up to success if we do not follow the Lord’s direction. Without God’s wisdom and direction, we will face winds of change, hurricanes and tornadoes of life that will come and blow until things fall apart. Whatever is built in trust, faith and hope can not and will not be snatched from His hand.
If we count on good looks or the depth of our personality or relationships or even how much money we have to give us security or a firm foundation on which to build, we are setting ourselves up for a big letdown, there is only one foundation we can trust!
Colors, wallpaper, tile and carpet may all seem to be small things, but are all choices we can make as individual homeowners, making sure those choices are right or righteous affect the final beauty of the open house. Before you go any further with your plan, consult the master builder and make sure that your plan and His fit together perfectly or you could end up with a structure that does not meet code, has failed inspections and simply will not function as an inhabitable dwelling place for His Holy Spirit.
People all over ponder about the future. Young and old worry about where they will be and what life will become. We can also have assurance that His plan for you is best accomplished by you. When you believe that, every piece of the puzzle will fit together. Before construction started on you, a Master architect laid down a blueprint or a plan. In the mind of the Master, every dimension of our life was designed, calculated and drawn. All the things needed to complete the project were considered in the mind of the Master Architect, even location, material, color, labor cost and problems in completing the build. He began the framework and contracted electricians to do the wiring, carpenters to do the woodwork, roofers, flooring specialist and plumbers. Every detail was carried out in order, making sure the structure would be secure, strong and sound. Built just as the plans indicated. The dimensions of each room, the door size, even the swing of the door and the placement of the electrical outlets was planned ahead and detailed on the blueprints.
In Matthew, Jesus tells us about the difference between a wise and foolish man. He who is wise and he who is foolish was determined by where each chooses to build his house. Often we hear about people who seem to have it all, only to see it all come crashing down. I think about all those multimillion dollar homes built in the California hills when the mudslides started or all those expensive homes lost to the fires. In God we have a sure and solid foundation that will stand against any future storms. Hard work and persistence; not even cheating will add up to success if we do not follow the Lord’s direction. Without God’s wisdom and direction, we will face winds of change, hurricanes and tornadoes of life that will come and blow until things fall apart. Whatever is built in trust, faith and hope can not and will not be snatched from His hand.
If we count on good looks or the depth of our personality or relationships or even how much money we have to give us security or a firm foundation on which to build, we are setting ourselves up for a big letdown, there is only one foundation we can trust!
Colors, wallpaper, tile and carpet may all seem to be small things, but are all choices we can make as individual homeowners, making sure those choices are right or righteous affect the final beauty of the open house. Before you go any further with your plan, consult the master builder and make sure that your plan and His fit together perfectly or you could end up with a structure that does not meet code, has failed inspections and simply will not function as an inhabitable dwelling place for His Holy Spirit.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Catching Up
Today, I am catching up on my email.
I read this one below from my sister and as surprised to realize she was thinking of me as she read it. Strange thing is, today her view of me encouraged me or perhaps the Lord used her view to cause me to look at myself. I have often felt recently that this load was too heavy to bear and I just didn’t want to continue. I have even cried out to the Lord to allow my escape. He has been silent. That kind of silence that causes you know He heard you, but is just choosing not to speak. He is close enough, I can even feel His breath, but He doesn’t reply to my insane ramblings.
How often I forget that my dragging the “unbearable load” some short distance is all that God needs me to do in order to accomplish what He wants to do, and I have oft times given up the struggle just before He is ready to change my circumstances. Today I am reminded that the Lord never sends us on a journey without a clearly defined destination. When we pack ourselves up and get on the train, there is a clear point and place that we are destined to disembark. The hard part is allowing the Lord to guide us to the correct stop and be willing to stay on the train until we reach that place.
Today, I am reminded that there is a purpose in everything! I am also reminded that though I feel small, unimportant and know that my opinion is insignificant, where I am positioned serves a purpose as well. I don’t want to and I don’t see how it will make a difference, but today I will choose to say; 'God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will.'
Below is the note from my sister that spurred my thoughts and the story that spurred her thoughts:
This is precious—when I read it, I couldn’t help thinking about the parts that we ALL play in His awesome unfolding picture. When I look at someone like my sister Wanda, who works for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association—I can see her part. God has used her in powerful ways in some of the greatest tasks because she has been willing to be used of Him in the small details. It hasn’t always been easy, but she has persisted. I wondered as I read this story if I have been there doing my small part when He had a purpose that I didn’t understand. I hope as you read this story it encourages you as it encourages me in my desire to serve Him well. I thought of you today and I smiled. Blessings
The Ant and the Contact Lens: A True Story ...Wow!
Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens. 'Great', she thought. 'Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry.'
She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.
She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens..
When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse 'The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.'
She thought, 'Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me.'
Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, 'Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?'
Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!
The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, 'Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You.'
I think it would do all of us some good to say, 'God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will.'
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called!
Yes, I do love GOD. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning
each and every day Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him....I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. ( Phil . 4:13)
I read this one below from my sister and as surprised to realize she was thinking of me as she read it. Strange thing is, today her view of me encouraged me or perhaps the Lord used her view to cause me to look at myself. I have often felt recently that this load was too heavy to bear and I just didn’t want to continue. I have even cried out to the Lord to allow my escape. He has been silent. That kind of silence that causes you know He heard you, but is just choosing not to speak. He is close enough, I can even feel His breath, but He doesn’t reply to my insane ramblings.
How often I forget that my dragging the “unbearable load” some short distance is all that God needs me to do in order to accomplish what He wants to do, and I have oft times given up the struggle just before He is ready to change my circumstances. Today I am reminded that the Lord never sends us on a journey without a clearly defined destination. When we pack ourselves up and get on the train, there is a clear point and place that we are destined to disembark. The hard part is allowing the Lord to guide us to the correct stop and be willing to stay on the train until we reach that place.
Today, I am reminded that there is a purpose in everything! I am also reminded that though I feel small, unimportant and know that my opinion is insignificant, where I am positioned serves a purpose as well. I don’t want to and I don’t see how it will make a difference, but today I will choose to say; 'God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will.'
Below is the note from my sister that spurred my thoughts and the story that spurred her thoughts:
This is precious—when I read it, I couldn’t help thinking about the parts that we ALL play in His awesome unfolding picture. When I look at someone like my sister Wanda, who works for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association—I can see her part. God has used her in powerful ways in some of the greatest tasks because she has been willing to be used of Him in the small details. It hasn’t always been easy, but she has persisted. I wondered as I read this story if I have been there doing my small part when He had a purpose that I didn’t understand. I hope as you read this story it encourages you as it encourages me in my desire to serve Him well. I thought of you today and I smiled. Blessings
The Ant and the Contact Lens: A True Story ...Wow!
Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens
She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.
She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens..
When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse 'The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.'
She thought, 'Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me.'
Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, 'Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?'
Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!
The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, 'Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You.'
I think it would do all of us some good to say, 'God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will.'
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called!
Yes, I do love GOD. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning
each and every day Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him....I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. ( Phil . 4:13)
Sunday, May 4, 2008
xkl rocks
ok, so i've been kinda busy the last few weeks, but i finally got some time this weekend to try and catch up. i have to take a minute to share with you about what i was busy with. this year in knoxville, i've been responsible for the kids program. so as not to be confused with the program at dollywood, ours was called Xtreme Kidz Live. it took place on saturday morning april 26th. 6200 kids attended and it was if i can say so myself "awesome"!! i had the privilege of working with an awesome group of individuals in the kids committee and in the awesome special guests we selected. each committee member was responsible for a particular aspect of the event and each one took his or her role and was expert at it! karyn headed the choir and praise team, sondra took on hospitality of the special guests, jean oversaw prayer, melissa was responsible for the flag team and chris was the arrangements man. jim was the mastermind that recruited them all. they each did an awesome job.
our special guests were chaos on wheels (i just love josh, one of the riders, what a heart for Jesus and what a sweet spirit!!), little tommy (what a joy to work with) and God rocks! they were electric and the audience enjoyed an awesome program. there were songs and motions from the choir, bikes whizzing across the floor, God rocks on the stage and tommy telling jokes. the kids of east tennessee enjoyed an action filled morning. then tommy settled in to share with the children what was the most "extreme gift" they could ever receive and what they needed to do in order to get it. 188 kids came forward to accept the gift. it may not have been the number that everyone anticipated, but for me, it was climatic of my tenure with bgea. in all my 12 years with the ministry, i have never been in a role that allowed me to see the "fruit" of my labor so clearly. it was a moment that i will not forget for all my life. to make the moment even more special, it was shared with my mom helen and my daughter sandrine. i feel very blessed!
additionally, i maintained my normal crusade responsibilities in caring for accessiblities, deaf/hard of hearing. languages (spanish), prayer, and love in action. our love in action project this city was hygiene packs for homeless men and women. we collected well over 800 packets and KARM (knoxville area rescue mission) will be responsible for distribution. what the Lord has in store next for me, i know not, but for sure, Hattie's House awaits!
our special guests were chaos on wheels (i just love josh, one of the riders, what a heart for Jesus and what a sweet spirit!!), little tommy (what a joy to work with) and God rocks! they were electric and the audience enjoyed an awesome program. there were songs and motions from the choir, bikes whizzing across the floor, God rocks on the stage and tommy telling jokes. the kids of east tennessee enjoyed an action filled morning. then tommy settled in to share with the children what was the most "extreme gift" they could ever receive and what they needed to do in order to get it. 188 kids came forward to accept the gift. it may not have been the number that everyone anticipated, but for me, it was climatic of my tenure with bgea. in all my 12 years with the ministry, i have never been in a role that allowed me to see the "fruit" of my labor so clearly. it was a moment that i will not forget for all my life. to make the moment even more special, it was shared with my mom helen and my daughter sandrine. i feel very blessed!
additionally, i maintained my normal crusade responsibilities in caring for accessiblities, deaf/hard of hearing. languages (spanish), prayer, and love in action. our love in action project this city was hygiene packs for homeless men and women. we collected well over 800 packets and KARM (knoxville area rescue mission) will be responsible for distribution. what the Lord has in store next for me, i know not, but for sure, Hattie's House awaits!
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